Flapper's Folly

The oldest son is about to move out. The plan was to move next weekend, but things change quickly when you're his age. A little history. I came here in May of '99, remarried in November of 2000 and my son stayed in New Mexico with his dad until September of 2001. He's been here living with us since. I thank God for the time we've had together and we are closer now than we ever were, or ever would have been under the previous circumstances.

Somehow we've made it work and he has managed to accept, and I hope love, a stepdad and stepbrother. It was rocky at first and it hasn't been easy, but we've all evolved and become a family. He's ready now to be on his own. He's only moving a couple of hours away to go to school and work and be with his girlfriend. He's saved his money and rented a nice place, planning to move _next_ weekend. However, a job came up that starts Tuesday and he has to be there sooner.

None of us have a vehicle that will carry the bed, desk, donated washer and dryer, tv, etc. that make up his belongings. But luck would have it that his dad will be near here for a family reunion this weekend in a pickup, and can get the largest of his stuff down there.

So what's the problem? You see, my ex can't stand to see me. He has managed to avoid me through our daughter's college graduation and our son's HS graduation, but there is no way he can come to my house to load up our son's belongings and not see me. I don't understand. And since I can't talk to him directly, oh Heaven's no, all communication is through our son. If you are divorced, or a stepparent, you probably know how defensive a child can be of the other parent. We see it regularly with John's son concerning his mother. Of course, she lives nearby and we see and talk to her weekly. Unpleasant though it may be, it's a necessary part of life and we keep things as amiable as possible for the child's sake.

So at this point, I don't know what is going to happen. My son is closemouthed and nervous and I feel it is for no good reason. His wellbeing is my main concern. I think things are made unduly difficult by my ex's inability to just get on with life. It's not as if we were blissfully happy and I split. No. In fact, we hung on in misery for years trying to make it work for our children.

I don't wallow in guilt over the changes I've made in my life, in fact, I think my happiness has been beneficial for my kids. I just wish that all divorced parents and stepparents could set aside their own selfishness and childishness and think of the burden they place on their children by behaving irrationally. After all, we all love them and want them to be happy and healthy and successful in life. It's not that hard, is it?